Leaving Religion » youth group

I wish I knew then…

leavingreligion — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 05:07:52 +0000

If I knew then what I know now I would have:

Questioned the church leaders a LOT more, and made them actually answer my questions
Stopped being friends with people just because I thought I had to be (even though I didn’t like them!)
Told that church going asshole that he WAS an ASSHOLE
Dated that nice non-christian guy who was “bad” for me
Stopped trying to make everybody happy
Taken that christian fish off my car
Had a beer on the mission trip in that country that would serve us (with the others who were already doing it)
Cared more about how my extreme views affected others
Cared less about being right and more about listening to what others had to say
Done what I wanted, and not what the christian group leaders wanted me to do
Told that youth pastor I worked for in college what an ignorant, self-serving, non caring person he really was
Told the youth I worked with to continue questioning so they could come to their own truth… rather than just the opposite
Stopped going to prayer circles that were just about hearing everyone’s gossip so we could pray for all of the ‘problems’ we all had
Stopped whining in the form of praying and started doing to make things happen
Stopped the brainwashing at younger age
Stopped feeling guilty for stupid shit

Yep that’s what I would have done…. and this is the short list.

Yes… I held that sign… I’m not proud

leavingreligion — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 03:22:34 +0000

In high school, it was pretty much known that if you were a Christian at our church you were pro-life. Pro-life in a decently conservative way… thinking that even in a circumstance of rape, one must at least consider having the child. I remember being somewhat uncomfortable with the pro-life movement (perhaps this was my first form of questioning!), I just couldn’t get behind it completely. I thought that a lot of the people who were zealots were also crazy, and I think I was probably right.

So, it one Sunday, there was a pro-life ‘rally’ where a whole bunch of people I knew were going to stand on the street and hold signs that said ‘Abortion is Murder’ and signs with horrible pictures on them. So, when I was asked if I was going to go, every fiber of my being said no, but the ego that wanted acceptance with this group, that said yes. So there I was, holding this sign on a street corner hoping nobody would recognize me. It was a horrible moment.

It’s been a long time since that time, but I still think about that moment some times. I think about the fact that there may have been a woman or a teenage girl who was already in the midst of making the hardest decision they may ever make… and here I was judging them with a horrible sign on the side of the street. I hope they looked at me and my friends and knew how foolish we were… I hope they weren’t more burdened because of our foolishness. I hope they did whatever was best for them in spite of our stupidity.

Yep… I help one of those signs… and am not proud of it.

I Liked The Night Life…

leavingreligion — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 02:05:30 +0000

Okay, wait a minute. You must be kidding right… there is church… at night!? What kind of amazing utopia is this? I get to come in on Sunday morning, sing, worship, study the Bible, hang with friends… then I get to have lunch with my friends… then I get to hang out with my friends some more… then I get to go to choir practice… then I get to go to night church…. and then, after all of that… I get to go hang out with my friends after church by going to worship with them some more!? I can stay out until 10PM (11PM or midnight in the summer!) on Sunday night… all in the name of worshiping Jesus. Yes… SIGN. ME. UP!

This group, as it is clear to see, became my core group of friends. We all went to different schools… which was perfect for this girl who was not popular at school in the slightest… but we hung out at church, all. the. time. Because as part of the leadership group, in addition to the AWESOME schedule posted above, we got to meet up early on Wednesdays, BEFORE Youth Group, we also had another meeting at some point during the week for Bible Study/Small Groups, and then there was always a Friday or Saturday (or both) event. If there wasn’t, we just made one happen anyway.

As soon as I could drive, I was out EVERY NIGHT with at least some subset of this group. Oh, and, anyone who tells you that there are not ‘clicks’ at church and that everyone is accepted is deluded. I think my group (youth group leaders) was more of a ‘click’ than ANY group in my high school. Only a select few got into this tight knit bunch. As new freshman joined, we roasted them and made sure they were worthy (just as had been done to us). We would not let just anybody join. In addition to loving Jesus, you better want to participate in all events, be dedicated and loyal and for god sakes, you better want to hang out with us ALL. THE. TIME.

In some ways I have fond memories of that time… I really had a posse, and something to do all the time, which I was craving. I wanted to be out of the house as much as possible… youth group gave me this, while providing a social group as well.

The not so fond memories are when I look back at how closed minded I was about other religions/beliefs/non-beliefs. How ridiculous I was in some of my thinking. How much I clung to these people for acceptance, to be told I was a great person. How hard it was to actually ask questions I was having because I thought I may lose my group of friends.

How. Fake. I. Was.