While I only started this blog in 2009, many of the things I write about are thoughts I’ve pondered over many years.  The beginning of this decade is when I officially started telling people that I had left my religion, when I really felt like I had left my religion, and was no longer looking over my shoulder for the wrath of the big guy upstairs.  The beginning of this decade was a feeling of absolute freedom… in 2000 I was open about leaving my religion, I left my job, traveled solo for some time and really started to know myself, and… like myself.

While the decade had massive events that were horrific… I would rate this a good decade for me, personally.  I got married, grew a lot in a career I like, met some amazing people who are now some of my dearest friends, challenged myself, got healthy, and did all kinds of other good things.  This doesn’t mean I didn’t have my share of disappointment (getting laid of, twice, during the tech bust comes to mind), but overall, the positive in my life outweighed the negative.  Thankfully.

I left my religion… was open about it… and still had a great decade (in fact, some of my best years ever); and I was always taught that life was no good without God… so, as I go into 2010… I call bullshit on this theory.  I’ve officially tested it, and the exact opposite appears to be true.

There was something about the Pentagon hit that made me say into the phone, “Oh my god, our country is at war, and is being hit directly.”  I called friends in New York, I called colleagues who were traveling, I called clients who were in buildings across the river.  I actually went to work, and remember the eerie silence of the skies, and seeing what I hope to never see again… the runways at the airport being used as a parking lot.

The days that followed are still a blur.  But, the one thing I do remember doing, was on the Sunday, after that Tuesday, I went to church.  I had left the religion years before that, but for some reason I was drawn to it.  I. had. to. go.  I couldn’t. not. go.  So, there I was, flipping through the yellow pages to figure out which one I should go to… I ended up at a Presbyterian church that was nearby.  It was standing room only.  I remember thinking… I don’t believe any of this, but yet, I feel comfort being here.

Old habits die hard.  I’m not so sure that even today I wouldn’t be one of the people you’d find standing in church after a major tragedy.  I’ve talked to others about this, who are in the same boat as me, and we all agree, it’s not that we all the sudden believe it… but this was a ritual, that in some of our darkest of moments… was there.  So, we go back to that thing that was a ritual… whether we believe it or not.

So, on this day, while I remember tragedy that took place…  I may not be sending up a prayer, but I’m sending out as many good thoughts as I can to all of those affected.  To all of those who still reeling from what happened on that day.

May you have peace.

Check out the BoingBoing post about it.

Excerpt from the original:

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward.  Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

This is pure awesome!

Well… it was fun while it lasted over at my first domain, but I’ve decided I want the freedom that having my own domain will give.  So, I bit the bullet, bought my url and got a hosting service.  The only real downside is that I cannot direct my old domain to this one (can”t really complain since the last blog domain was free of charge to me).  So, I’m hoping that my loyal readers will follow me here.

I must say that I wasn’t sure if I would really ‘feel’ it when I came back to this blog.  But, I’ve been surprised in many ways.  Surprised at how much I really enjoy writing about my own experience, about what is going on out there in the world, and about random funny and interesting things.

I’ve enjoyed the discussion, finding new blogs to read, and a new community that shares this very unique experience.  Leaving our religion behind, with nothing to really take its place except our own self.  Having been tied to religion for so long it was a strange feeling when I finally admitted that I really didn’t believe anymore, and was/am, on my own.  No god/God/Jesus to cry out to for comfort, no God who was sitting up in Heaven looking down on me… no God to make me feel better about all the hurt in the world (that sounds so crazy to me now… but I used to see it this way, because it was God’s will and he knew better than I).

I look forward to writing more, discussing more, and finding more kinship with those who have chosen this path of de-conversion.

‘Til tomorrow.

At church, there aren’t tabloids… but everyone knows how to hear the latest gossip.  Join a prayer chain, small group, choir… really… anything that forces people to have prayer requests.  This is the best gossip hour of the week for most people who attend churches.  You hear all kinds of things…

• Pray for my marriage which is on the rocks right now
• Pray for my neighbor who is having an affair and doesn’t know what to do
• Pray for Susie’s son who is addicted to crack
• Pray for John’s daughter who is 15 and pregnant
• Pray for… *insert private, should not be shared with random people, information here*

Unbelievable the things that one can learn in ‘prayer circle.’  My favorite is that even when people are vague, everyone knows who they are talking about.  Or even worse, they don’t, but they think they do.  The other thing that I detest, is that people basically talk about other people (and tell some of their deep secrets) without the permission of this person.  But, it’s all in the name of prayer, so I guess it’s okay.

Personally, I’ve found that getting off my ass and doing something about whatever it is that I’m having issues with, generally has done more for me than sitting back and praying about it.  I’ve also found that giving my brain time to focus (mainly a silent moment to just think) generally gives me more clarity than any prayer time did… especially prayer done with 20 other people who really are just excited to hear about all of the problems in other peoples lives.  You know what else, I’ve found I’m a lot happier too.  You know why?  Because I’m no longer surrounding myself with ‘downer’ people who don’t seem to know how to actually DO anything more than whine when they have a problem.