While I only started this blog in 2009, many of the things I write about are thoughts I’ve pondered over many years.  The beginning of this decade is when I officially started telling people that I had left my religion, when I really felt like I had left my religion, and was no longer looking over my shoulder for the wrath of the big guy upstairs.  The beginning of this decade was a feeling of absolute freedom… in 2000 I was open about leaving my religion, I left my job, traveled solo for some time and really started to know myself, and… like myself.

While the decade had massive events that were horrific… I would rate this a good decade for me, personally.  I got married, grew a lot in a career I like, met some amazing people who are now some of my dearest friends, challenged myself, got healthy, and did all kinds of other good things.  This doesn’t mean I didn’t have my share of disappointment (getting laid of, twice, during the tech bust comes to mind), but overall, the positive in my life outweighed the negative.  Thankfully.

I left my religion… was open about it… and still had a great decade (in fact, some of my best years ever); and I was always taught that life was no good without God… so, as I go into 2010… I call bullshit on this theory.  I’ve officially tested it, and the exact opposite appears to be true.

“Curious how many of you out there have had a similar experience. Any things you would now like to claim as your own, and not as a result of God randomly choosing to make it happen for you?”

I’m curious to know why you are curious about this. Are you seeking validation?

Also, now that you are an atheist, are you still going to take Christmas day off this year? What about the exchanging of gifts? Are you still going to have a tree and all, or are you in boycott mode? Just curious

Mark

This is a comment I received, and it got me thinking about why people seem to think that having a tree is solely a Christian tradition, and why taking Christmas Day off is considered celebrating the Christian religion.  So, let me answer the comment above point by point.

1. I’m curious, because I’m sure there are others out there who have gone through the same thing I have and have stories to share.  I’ve been proven correct.  I don’t need validation for what I think about things coming together as I’ve been on both sides of the fence and have hard proof through my own experience.
2. I’m not an atheist.  I have been decently clear on this point on this blog.  I don’t believe there is one guy in the sky, nor do I believe the Bible is the perfect word from this guy in the sky.  I believe the Bible is a historical text, at best.  Now, that being said, I’m not sure that there is nothing out there either.  I’m not convinced that there isn’t some sort of energy that connects all of us.  I’m not convinced there is, either.
3. Yes, I will be taking Christmas Day off this year… it is a nationwide holiday… one that my Company pays me to take off.  It is a great time to spend with family and friends, and I treat it as such.
4. Again, yes, I will have a tree.  Trees and evergreen and holly, etc. are NOT just Christian traditions and in fact many started well before Christianity as a celebration of the winter solstice.  Many pagan religions also used evergreen trimmings.  The Romans used holly wreaths and evergreen clippings in a ritual to celebrate Saturn. (http://www.religioustolerance.org/xmas_tree.htm)
5. Yes, I will exchange gifts, meaningful gifts.  I like to give gifts all year round, I find that at this time of year, I’m able to see members of my family that I don’t see any other time and it is a great time to give them gifts in person.  Giving gifts is not something that is just for Christians, you know.

So, I’m curious Mark (and any others who feel the same way he does about this topic), do you know that you aren’t even celebrating Christ’s birthday in December… as it has been pretty well agreed that he was most likely born in the spring?  Will you admit that there are MANY celebrations that take place this time of year that started well before Christmas that are as celebratory as Christmas is?

Why are some Christians so up tight about other celebrations taking place?  They have been going on for many centuries… before Christ was on the planet.  Let everyone celebrate, enjoy their families, enjoy the turn of the season, enjoy their religious traditions.  I see the joy that my Christian friends get from the holiday, and it is equal to the joy I get from the holiday.  Why is it that some Christians think they are the only people on the planet who get to celebrate something in the winter?  Get over yourselves… maybe you’ll be able to celebrate more if you just focus on what it is you’re doing, and not so much on what others are doing.

Now when I accomplish things and see good things coming together, I attribute it to a lot of hard work, a lot of perseverance, and great support from my husband, family and friends.  I do NOT let some guy in the sky take all the credit for something he hasn’t done.

I do think it is a special thing when people, things, ideas come together at just the right time.  But now, I remember something I heard Oprah say a long time ago.  When these things happen, it is not… as so many will say… luck.  It is Opportunity meeting preparedness.  I see that now… more clearly than I ever have.  All of my preparedness is now meeting some opportunity, and it is a fantastic thing.

Curious how many of you out there have had a similar experience.  Any things you would now like to claim as your own, and not as a result of God randomly choosing to make it happen for you?

1. Questioned the church leaders a LOT more, and made them actually answer my questions
2. Stopped being friends with people just because I thought I had to be (even though I didn’t like them!)
3. Told that church going asshole that he WAS an ASSHOLE
4. Dated that nice non-christian guy who was “bad” for me
5. Stopped trying to make everybody happy
6. Taken that christian fish off my car
7. Had a beer on the mission trip in that country that would serve us (with the others who were already doing it)
8. Cared more about how my extreme views affected others
9. Cared less about being right and more about listening to what others had to say
10. Done what I wanted, and not what the christian group leaders wanted me to do
11. Told that youth pastor I worked for in college what an ignorant, self-serving, non caring person he really was
12. Told the youth I worked with to continue questioning so they could come to their own truth… rather than just the opposite
13. Stopped going to prayer circles that were just about hearing everyone’s gossip so we could pray for all of the ‘problems’ we all had
14. Stopped whining in the form of praying and started doing to make things happen
15. Stopped the brainwashing at  younger age
16. Stopped feeling guilty for stupid shit

Yep that’s what I would have done…. and this is the short list.

One thing that motivated me to start this group was hearing so many people mention that they feel liek they have no ‘community’ now that they have left the church.  I know exactly what they mean, becuase I have felt that too.  So… this can be some sort of online community, in addition to other communities you may have.

Look forward to seeing you here on the blog, and over on Facebook!

I know that I don’t believe in a guy in the sky, I don’t believe in the Bible, I don’t believe in any other organized religion.  However, I won’t count out completely that there is something out there that connects all of us.  Perhaps science connects us, perhaps something more than science connects us, perhaps nothing connects us… but after being so rigid and full of dogma on the Christian side of things, I refuse to be that way on the other side.

What does all of this mean… well, it means that I’m not interested in some book written by men to try and get lots of people to follow them and do what they wanted.  I’m not interested in anything that states EVERYTHING must be this this way, or must ALWAYS be another way.  I’m interested in allowing people to live their life, believe (or not believe) what they want, and not pushing others to believe (or not believe) what they do.  That’s it.

I write this blog because I struggled with the whole ‘leaving Christianity’ thing.  Because I know there are others out there who have gone through or are going through something similar and may want to know they are not alone.  Because, I like to write… it helps me process… and I am still processing… probably always will be to some degree.  I’m in a better place than I was when I first left, less bitter, less angry… but not entirely rid of these emotions.  I still get angry and frustrated and emotional over things I read and see.  What gets me going?  When I see any religion (but, admittedly, the Christian Church affects me most because of my own history with it) telling those who are not in their religion that they must follow their rules, even though they don’t believe it.

I am now saved.  I’ve said the prayer, I’ve been baptised, and I’m ready to do good works.  But, what exactly am I supposed to do?  I really didn’t do muh at that time… I was 8 years old.  I invited friends to church, and went to Sunday School and Vacation Bible School, but all-in-all, I wasn’t really doing anything to ’spread the gospel’.  It wasn’t until my family moved, and I started going to a more fundamentalist church that I started doing more.  At the age of 10!

At the new church, I was told to join choir, join the Wednesday night group, go to Summer Camp, and minister to my friends at school who were not believers.  So, I did all of this.  I was going on choir tours, I was telling my school friends about Jesus and how he could make their lives better than they could imagine (OMG, I was 10, did I tell you that).  I went to Summer Camp recommitted my life… mainly because I was scared it didn’t take the first time.  This would be the first of many re-commitments I made… I mean seriously, one cannot commit enough really, especially when the destiny of one’s soul is in the balance.

This new church was really great… they really meant business.  They even gave sermons about why chewing gum and wearing sneakers in church was a complete disgrace to God.  I mean, would you go to dinner with the President wearing sneakers!?  Doesn’t God deserve the same respect.  Get it together people!

Yes, at the time, I was pretty sure this was the best place ever, and I was extatic that I got to be apart of it.  I was blessed, truly blessed… and it was only the beginning of more to come.  I mean, I WAS ONLY 10… there were so many Jesus filled years ahead of me.  So much more work to do.

Apparently this person turned to alternative medicine, in addition to modern medicine. They got better. They made the unfortunate mistake of telling these women that their medical choices had worked. What did these women tell her? Take a guess.

They told her (very proudly I might add, which I know because they said this while discussing) that it most certainly was not the meds she chose… It was God! How could she not see this. Then another woman in the group recounting this story says, “I was SO glad you said that!”

This is so unbelievably ridiculous. Their friend is better and they aren’t happy or congratulatory. They are telling her that it is God who saved her. What a ridiculous reaction.

It is moments like this that remind me I have not let go of all of the anger I have about the religion I left. I still get pissed off at it and want to punch it in the face sometimes.

I got baptized… and I remember being so proud of myself.  I’d done what I was supposed to and now things would be good.  I kept reading the Bible, learning verses and being the good christian girl.  I would tell others about Jesus, and would invite my friends to church.  I got stars next to my name for doing this (!!) and felt like I was really doing my job.

Even with all that I was doing, I still remember asking many questions.  Usually at night when I was just falling asleep.  I can still remember clearly, like it was yesterday, thinking about God, and who he was, and how he became God.  My mom and dad told me that God just always was.  In my mind, I would think about it like a ruler (yep…. my inner geek showed through at a young age!)… in my head, I’d keep cutting the ruler in half… and you can never reach zero… this is how I thought about God.  He was like a ruler that could never go to zero, so he must have always been.

This was probably the earliest memory of questioning I can remember… and I answered my question by using some random, inanimate object as my answer.  But, I think it was pretty good for a five year old who was afraid of hell.

What are some of your earliest memories of questioning?

Lyrics:

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my somach, I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Ive been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
Ive been raising up my hands- drive another nail in
Just what God needs, one more victim

Why do we crucify ourselves
Everyday I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Everyday I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Got a kick for a dog, beggin for love
Gotta have my sufferingso that I can have my cross
I know a cat named easter, he says will you ever learn
Youre just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird

Ive been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
Ive been raising up my hands- drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start my own religion

Why do we crucify ourselves
Everyday I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Everyday I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Please be
Save me
I cry

Looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
Ive been raising up my hands- drive another nail in
Where are those angels when you need them

Why do we crucify ourselves
Everyday I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Everyday I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Thoughts?