Jun 24 2009
What If…
I think about these things a lot… what if:
- I’d never been told about the Bible
- I didn’t know about Jesus
- My family never raised me as a Christian
- I’d never stepped foot into a church
I especially think about these things the more meet people who never grew up in church, knowing the Bible, or knowing about Jesus. When I ask them about their guilt, worry of hell, etc… most (not all, I’ll admit) tell me they just don’t worry about it. They are interested in philosphies, and thinking about the World, and how it got here, and where we came from… but they don’t think about it in terms of some guy in the sky who is going to send them to hell if they think about these things, and come up with an answer that is different than what they’ve been told to think from the age of five.
I have worked through a lot of the feelings I used to get, like guilt and fear, but there are still times it hits me. Usually when I least expect it. Then I think, what if I had never known it the way I did. What if it was just another theory. Then I remind myself, that really… that is how things are for me now. It is just another theory… and just happens to be a theory that I’ve decided is not the one I believe in.
How have you worked through these feelings? Or, if you’ve never been a part of organized religion… have you ever had feeilngs of guilt or worry? Would love ot hear thoughts from both sides.
6 responses so far
Coming from a position similar to yours, it took me awhile to get over the feelings of guilt of being human. The church I went to emphasized the notion that the more capable a person is, the more they have to give up to Jesus.
As a capable person, this was especially hard on me, as it made me ashamed of the things I was able to do. Rather than embracing a natural inclination towards a great deal of tasks, I felt like they were a curse, because there was so much I could rely on besides God to get me through the day. Being told that, in effect, this was why I was depressed caused me to retreat into a feeling of utmost uselessness.
It took considerable effort to undo the damage to my psyche. After finally feeling like I could open up to people about how I felt, I was able to finally start embracing my capability. Now, in my current job, I think I’m finally at a point where this aspect of who I am is embraced. I manage conferences, write press releases, design websites, administrate the office network, develop marketing plans and advertisements. My boss often comments that it seems like I’m interested in everything. He’s absolutely right, I’m a firm believer that everyone should be well-rounded and capable in a number of fields. I love science and literature and writing and communication and social situations.
Most importantly, I love being able to love what I do and not be ashamed over it.
I felt the same way leaving religion behind. These days I don’t spend time thinking about hell like I did when I was a Christian. I think about the future, what I kind to contribute to society in a positive way, I think about the world around me etc. Strangely I didn’t think about this stuff when I was a Christian.
AsukaRan – Even though I was raised to be Christian and went to church every Sunday, I never really believed in Hell. I can imagine that it must have been a terrifying proposition.
Hell is one of the most terrifying propositions there is. I believe it is the reason more people don’t leave the church, even when they have very strong and legitimate doubts.
Thank you everyone, for sharing… really interesting to read the various viewpoints.
I recently came across your blog and I really enjoy it. I too am struggling with a “spiritual” identity in a nation that seems to demand having one (preferably Protestant Christian) and the accompanying set of morals, regardless of whether they are actually followed.
I was raised in the conservative Baptist church and was a devout Christian throughout my childhood and early teens. A series of events as I grew older began to open my eyes to the hypocrisy running rampant within the church and organized religion in general, and I slowly began to fall away. At the behest of my family and with renewed purpose, I went back to church late in college – only to be completely and finally disillusioned as I found I had more questions than ever before, and no one who could give me honest answers. (Well that, and the fact my congregation made it pretty clear everyone needed to support the president and the Iraq war. I did neither.)
I do not consider myself an atheist per se; if I had to pick a label, it would be “existentialist agnostic,” if such a thing is possible. But the bigger problem I have is dealing with my family; for many of them, their faith is very important to their lives, and I have no desire to become estranged from them, either because of their beliefs or my lack thereof. Nor do I wish to engage in some sort of religious vs. secularist humanism debate, for with everything I have learned over the years (and been encouraged by on Web sites like this one), for fear I might somehow convince them that they are wrong, and crush their entire worldview. There is a very big difference between realizing this when you’re in your twenties and when you’re much older and closer to death and the supposed Promised Land.
Sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading, and thank you for the great blog. It has provided me comfort and encouragement that I never really found in church. (How ironic…)
Hi Tim… thank you for the thoughtful comment. It’s good to know that sharing my own experiences help others who are in a similar situation.